The people that got us through

As with the last 'first' trip, all of the posts made from Russia (and Korea) were written by L. So I thought that I might chime in and give my thoughts on the trip, Pickle, and anything else that comes to mind.

Last time we made the trip, I was excited and very nervous since it was the first time either L or I had been overseas. We had traveled to Canada and Mexico but that doesn't really count for "international travel" if you ask me. So not only were we traveling overseas, but we were going a country where hardly anyone spoke English AND meeting our child for the first time to boot. When it came to traveling this time I was still excited and much less nervous. We knew the routine in Seoul and what to expect when we got to Russia.

Arriving in Khab (beside the bumpy landing) was a lot like seeing an old friend. We didn't spend a ton of time there last trip but we had many lasting experiences. It wasn't exactly the feeling of being home but I think we both feel comfortable there. We were excited to revisit some of our favorite places from last time and have a chance to more thoroughly explore the city, to see things we missed last time. Stepping into our room at the Amethyst Hotel was a little weird considering the room was identical to the last time except that it was mint green instead of bitchin hot pink.

It was almost surreal to be standing in Lenin Square nearly a year later. Everything was basically the way I remembered it but something was different. It took me a while to realize the something different was me. So much had happened in our life since the last trip. I attribute it as something similar to the loss of innocence. The first trip we took in everything like wide-eyed children, basically living in the experience. Everything was so new to us: the travel, the country and it's people, even the thought of being parents. This trip, we still loved the town and it's generous people but we carried apprehension and grief with us.

It was nice to have a day to rest and settle in. Since we had a full week in Khab this time, we were able to have more free time to explore. On our first trip was only 3 days and activity happened like a whirlwind. We were always on the move. This time we could take a little time each day to recharge our batteries without feeling like we weren't going to be able to do all the activities we wanted. When Monday and Tuesday rolled around, I wasn't worried at all about the medical exams. We knew that the doctors were well trained and would take good care of us, which they did, and everything worked out fine.

I was actually surprised that I was able to sleep on Tuesday night. Wednesday was officially "Pickle Day" but we had to wait around until mid-afternoon before we would get to go. We spent the day trying to keep ourselves busy, but most of the day we were lost in our thoughts. All the emotions came flooding in: fear, excitement, apprehension, doubt, nervousness, you name it, we felt it. Of course, there were also the what-ifs: What if it's too soon? What if he doesn't take to us (or vice versa)? What if he cries or is scared of us? We had talked at length about the fact that Pickle was a different child and not a "replacement" for A, nor would we want him to be.

Then it was time. Not only time to go to the orphanage but also time to open our hearts again. I knew we would always love A, but I also knew that we had plenty of love for Pickle if we just let ourselves be open to it.

In the next installment I will share my thoughts and experience of the first "Pickle sighting".

-D