The people that got us through

The trip to the orphanage was filled with nervousness and apprehension, and we had a 30 minute car ride for it to grow. We were picked up at 3:15pm by Lena and Irina. We had to drive out to the south part of Khab and we stopped along the way to drop Jamie and Suzanne off at the detsky dom to meet their children.

I remembered so vividly our last trip and pulling up to A's orphanage. I was so nervous and thought the car ride would give me time to compose my thoughts. That was before I knew that BH #1 is only about a 5 minute ride from the Amethyst Hotel. When we got there however, we had to wait for Irina who was coming from court. Talk about torture... Here we were sitting at the front gate of the orphanage, staring at the building and wondering what would happen once we were inside.
The trip to BH #2 couldn't be more different. It's a much longer trip with plenty of time to 'compose your thoughts' (which really means you just have more time to fret and worry). The first thing that I noticed was the door. As L mentioned in one of her posts, the door to BH #1 is large, made of wood and ornately carved. The door at BH #2 is a plain metal door. That's it. A plain metal door that is painted grey. The building looks pretty run down from the outside too. It's a typical Soviet style building, built for function and not for aesthetics.

Once we got inside, we put on the obligatory shoe booties. They keep the inside of the orphanage very clean and don't want anyone to track in dirt and mud from outside. From there it was a very quick trip to Pickle's group room (partially because Lena walks so fast... she's hard to keep up with). We walked through the corridors, down the long hallway with all the plants (that we would be seeing much more of), up a flight of stairs and into the little office outside of the group room. I kept thinking that it was all happening so fast. It was so different from the way that we were introduced to A. Not that one way is particularly better than another, just that my expectations were based on our prior experiences.

Lena poked here head through the door into the group room to announce that we had arrived. We were then ushered into the group room and could hear one of the caretakers calling to Pickle. He was in the play area and way in the back corner of it to boot. She went in a pulled him out... our very first Pickle sighting! He was all smiles and giggles and you could tell that he was very comfortable with his caretakers. Then they brought him over to us for the big introduction. The smiles were replaced by confusion and apprehension on his part. The look we got was like 'who are you people and what do you want with me?' L and I were all smiles, of course. Here was this beautiful little boy, our boy. With his chubby little cheeks (chapped and all) and freshly cut hair. In almost an instant, all the hurt and pain that accumulated over the last year melted away. In that one moment, we were a family.

From there we took Pickle down to the little play room so we could get acquainted, so to speak. I felt really bad for the little guy. Here we are strangers (especially me since he'd probably never seen a man before) who don't speak words that he understands, and on top of that we take him out of his element and into a room he's probably never seen before. He was so scared that his little hands were shaking. We tried to bribe him with the snacks we brought with us, but he wasn't too sure about banana puffs or goldfish crackers (again, two items that were completely foreign to him). Finally L took out the 'Who Loves Baby?' picture book and Pickle sat down in her lap to help turn the pages. Momma was very happy and hopes that we have a bookworm on our hands.

Over the next 2 days we got to learn about Pickle's likes and dislikes and to see his little personality. We could tell that he wasn't feeling 100% because a couple times we had mini-meltdowns. Even those were special times because he started to learn that he could come to both of us for comfort. One time in particular he wanted to go for a walk but it wasn't time. He tried to pull Momma in the direction of the door. When it was clear that he wasn't going to get his way, the lower lip began to quiver. I opened my arms and Pickle flung himself against my shoulder and sobbed. It didn't last long and he was soothed as I rubbed his back. I was glad to be able to share this moment with him since he spent most of the time sitting in Momma's lap.

The time we spent at the orphanage was amazing. I was happy that we got to spend more time there than last trip. All of the fears and doubts that I had are completely gone. There is no longer room in my heart or mind for them... there is only room for the love that I have for Pickle. I will never forget little A and the love I felt for him but I no longer have doubt. It was hard to say goodbye as Pickle sat at the lunch table waving to us with his spoon in his hand. Now we trust in God that this is His plan and we will be reunited with our son soon. I can hardly wait until there are no more goodbyes.

-D