The people that got us through

I am going to go on a little snarky rant here for a moment. This is not directed at any one person in general so please don't take any offense at anything I say. Remember... I have been "pregnant" for 18 months and I am getting a little cranky.

When I made the post about Defending Reaccreditation Margaret made a comment that I thought was fantastic. Of course she then deleted it because she found that it just wasn't nice. I so thought you should have left it M! The gist was that it frustrating to see all of these people out there that are so naive about the whole process of Russian adoption. Russian adoption is still in bitter turmoil right now and stuff is happening that just breaks my heart. The thought that any family would receive a referral, travel on their 1st trip and then be stuck like we were frightens me to death. I don't want anyone else to ever have to feel that pain.

Here is what I can tell you about my experience about Russian adoption. You can read all you like, but until you are right in the midst of it you have no clue what this roller coaster is like. Knowledge about the process is one thing, but the raw emotions of it are a whole other thing.

I tried to explain this in the post Imagine My World. I still think I did a pretty good job.

Fact of the matter is you can't prepare yourself for leaving your child behind. You can be aware of what is in front of you. You can tell yourself that your child is in the best environment given the situation, but having to say good bye to the child that was meant for you... well... it is an indescribable feeling.

I applaud all of you out there that do your research. Know your facts. And are well versed in the technical aspects of the Russian adoption process. Those little bits do help prepare you for the heartache to come. But listen to those of us who have been there.

This process will chew you up and spit you back out emotionally. You likely won't get pampered like you would with a pregnancy. No comments about "oh you look so cute/ beautiful/ glowing." More comments like, "Oh you look so pale or tired." You will think you are loosing your mind. There will be days that you think you can't take another second of this process (I had one on Tuesday.) If you hear one more, "Any news yet?" comment you will jump off a bridge. This is the reality of the process.

Does everyone go through this? To some degree or another yes. Some adoptions go very smooth. For you, I secretly hate you you are lucky. For the rest of us there is some solace. We are not alone. We have others out there that support us. They hold us up when we can't stand on our own. They are our family, our sisters and brothers.

So ask questions. Prepare for the process, but ask the important questions of those who have gone before you. How do you deal with the stress and anxiety? What do you do to make sure your marriage survives this? How do you keep your friends when you feel so alienated? Don't be naive about this process. It is a rough one.