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Saturday, April 08, 2006
Examples
It seems that we have become an example. There are quite a few reasons that people happen to follow our blog. Some of you relate to us because you are also in the process of adopting from Russia. Some visit because you are family or dear friends. Others are here trying to learn more information about the process of international adoption and in particular, Russia. A few of you just think we are darn funny. But there are some that see us as an example. An example of the problems surrounding the Russian adoption system.

While it is true the system is flawed, we don't want to be that kind of example. I could give you reasons why the US system is flawed. Reasons why we decided not to adopt from another country. I could cite regulations put on other foreign governments that cause me to steer clear of them. One thing I wouldn't do is single any one family out just to say, "this is why not to go there."

The last 15 months have been the most challenging in my life. I can say it has been more difficult than being a newlywed at age 20. More stressful than any single day in our marriage over the last near 10 years. We have been through so much. Much of which I never wish on my worst enemy. But through it all we have learned from each and every day. We have come to love one another more, have grown in our personal faith and have met people that we are blessed to call our true friends. What is more important is that we have been blessed with the two most wonderful little boys in the world.

The heartbreak caused by losing little A will never go away. I have come to accept that. I will continue to miss him every day of my life. But through that lost we have found the child that we hope will be coming home to us.

Yes the Russian system is flawed. There should be no reason for enduring waits. There is no reason that nearly 700,000 children should languish in poverty stricken orphanages. But that is a foreign system. We cannot do anything to change it lest we further the stereotype of "ugly Americans" butting in where we are not wanted.

The example I want to set is that of faith and perserverance. True there are problems with Russian adoption, but please don't single me out as the poster child. Do your homework. On me, on this system. Make the decision that is best for your family. If you are not able to handle an extreme emotional roller coaster than this country may not be for you.

If asked if we would do another Russian adoption, what would my answer be? I would say it depends on the situation. There are many options available to us as far as expanding our family goes. Russia is dear to my heart, but so are so many other countries.

I have tried my hardest over the last 15 months to help other families. I try to be as honest as possible when people ask me questions about international adoption. I would never tell you the process is 100% rosey. It is hard. It tears you up inside. The stress does horrible things to your body. Is it worth it? Yes. Every lost hair, every lost pound, every tear shed. I would do it again.
12 Comments:
Blogger Maggie said...
Well said.

Blogger avonlea said...
It never occurred to me to think of your story as a cautionary tale, I have seen your story as one of faith and courage. That has what has inspired me.

Blogger bethee said...
Bravo!

Blogger Gaye and Andrew said...
You go girl!! I agree with you 100% ~ gaye

Blogger Brian & Rebeca said...
You said it right under the 4pickle web site "maybe that one child needed our love and prayers" My husband and I had also a similar experience with an 8 year old boy we were in the process of adopting from Brazil just 2 months ago; and since we actually lived together with him for 10 days, we have no doubts God was working in his life … and in ours.
I think people follow your blog because you got to be brave to decide to “focus on listening to God” if we were all listening and acting we would be taken to places we never thought – where pain actually brings growth and life to us and to many others. And yes! it would be great to be used as examples of what He does when we listen.

Blogger 6blessings said...
If everybody gave up because of heartache and pain, what would the world be like!! There's a lot of kids who need good homes. Thank you for being willing to help A and Pickle! They are blessed boys!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am praying that your child is home with you soon.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
That was one of the hardest things to endure when I lost my referral was certain people acting like they were so smart to steer clear of international adoption while I was so gullible as to actually think it would happen. Well it did happen. It will happen for you too.
serena

Blogger Rhonda said...
No, the only thing that you're an example for is grace under pressure. And when you bring Pickle home, it will be SUCH an inspiring ending to your adoption adventure.

Blogger kirsten said...
i have also only viewed your blog and you story as a picture of faith. it is so obvious that God is working in you and that you are trusting Him and following Him. as long as you stay true to that, He will use you and your story the way He needs to.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
To our darling daughtr and son: As you know we read the blog every day (sometimes even 3, 4, 10? times) and the depth and scope of your faith witness to God's constant presence in your lives - in spite of so much challenge - is truly AWE-some!! We see the changes God is bringing to life in you and we thank Him for it daily!! You know, lots of people yearn to be parents (and grandparents)without knowing how extravagantly life-changing this new role will be, but are at the same time encouraged by these words: "Well, pregnancy/adoption is difficult sometimes, but when you hold that baby in your arms, you know it's worth it to go through it." Hardly ever does the thought occur that all might not go well and so you don't get to hold that little one in your arms - certainly no one voices that awful outcome. You guys have lived it and still you give hope to others, you still remain hopeful yourselves and you are the inspiration to yet more people looking for their baby to hold - lastly, you model for every person you know and meet that God is everpresent in every minute of your lives and you trust Him to walk with you in those minutes, whatever happens. Dad and I understand "adoption" for one of you grew UNDER my heart and the other of you grew IN our hearts and we are abundantly blessed that both of you are our children! So while both of your little boys have a special place in your hearts, they will always be your children. "Pickle" is already growing in your hearts and that's enough for today. We love you very much, Mom

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Coulnd't have said it better!

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