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Monday, July 24, 2006
And Then Reality Sets In
Sometime between the magic email and the running to get fingerprinted at the State Patrol office I began to realize that I am going to be a parent. We all knew this, but the reality of it all is becoming well... more real. I also realized that for this stage of the adoption process I am very ill prepared.

I have no packing list, no list of things to do, no pediatrician lined up to interview. I have no clue how to navigate Moscow or other than court what to expect for this trip. Sure I have read others accounts of the trip, but frankly I wasn't paying attention.

This weekend we I decided it was time to take some action. I whipped out my trusty Russian Adoption Handbook and got to reading. I started to make a list of stuff we need to take. I don't think I have a suitcase big enough for all of this.

Also, a few weeks ago we realized that our carpet was just gross. I mean really really gross. We knew this when we bought the house, but I think the stains are plotting against us. No amount of cleaning has ever made this carpet look good. So we decided that our boy can't play on this nasty ass carpet. We bought new carpet. It is getting installed tomorrow! Woo Hoo!

Of course being the uber geniuses we are we decided to move all the stuff out of Pickle's room while it is 90+ degrees in our house. Smart. Going along fine, family room is filling up. Then it is time to move out the crib. Door 30" wide. Crib 29 1/2" wide. DAMMIT!!! So we start taking the crib apart piece by piece. Try it out the door. No luck, another piece, try again, no luck. We eventually had to take the entire thing apart. Now Pickle's room is very bare. It is kinda sad. But this will give me a fresh slate to arrange the furniture and hang the pictures back up.

We also had a review of possible court questions. Again out of the trusty book. I started to quiz CS on the questions.

Q: Why don't you have biological children instead of adopting?
CS: We are medically unable to have children.
Elle: What if they ask you why.
CS: My wife is barren.
Elle: oh thanks.
(there was more to that conversation, but the short version is funny)

Q: Why this child?
CS: Because this is the one that was referred to us.
Elle: You can't say that!
CS: Why not?
Elle: She wants to hear that he is a good fit for our family, we love him, blah blah blah.
CS: But my answer is the truth!
Elle: you better come up with a better answer.
CS: She won't ask that question.
Elle: How do you know?
CS: Irina will prepare us before court.
Elle: I don't want you to cram for this like a college exam. Make me feel good an be prepared, please.
CS: The judge won't ask that.
Elle: Fine.

In Captain Smartypants' defense he will do just fine during court. He will likely sweat a river and not look like he is paying attention and that will put me over the edge, but he will do fine. In fact he will likely amaze the heck out of me.

So let's hear them. What are some questions that you veterans have had? Let's all do our part to prepare CS for his moment in the spotlight.
17 Comments:
Blogger Deb said...
You guys are so funny.
Check out this site
http://www.math.byu.edu/~jarvis/adoption.html
On the left they have a list of things for travel including some questions they had for court.
Hope this helps. Good luck and have fun redoing Pickles room.

Blogger Suzanne said...
It is just to weird how much we duplicate each other. We are also cramming for court, and we are treating it like an exam. We're having pop quizzes and everything.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can't remember any specific questions, but we had a small photo album that came in real handy! The first question the judge asked my husband he just broke down crying (happy (holy crap what am I doing here) tears). So he grabbed the photo book and talked about bringing the little girl into our life. The pictures were a real life saver!!

Good Luck!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Good idea on the carpet. As you know, we did the same when we had B. No way would we, let alone our child, crawl, walk, whatever, on that carpet! How about some pics when its done?
Lee

Blogger A Room to Grow said...
I have my own CS at home and I'm sooo nervous about court because I've been the one reading all of the websites, blogs, books, etc. I suppose at some point I will also resort to pop quizzes ala Suzanne.

Blogger Lauri said...
Questions that threw me for a loop

1)will your family love this child?

ofcourse

2)why did you not get a IA doc involved?

we trusted that this was the child we were meant to love and did not need a doctor, our girl has a scary sounding DX but we just trusted that she would be fine and if not .. that was ok too.

3) do you think you have been married long enough?

a) we got married in our mid 30's and we dated a while before getting engaged, so yes we feel that being married 3 years is long enough to bring a child into our life.

The judge focused in on my income- since I was a sub and my income varied, they did not udnertsand this concept.

If I had to do it all again... i would have poured my heart out.. I was coached to keep answers breif and to the point... I had a whole speech planned and did not get to say it.

Blogger Rhyne & Jake said...
Just study your home study, all the questions come from it. The hardest question for us was "What if you have a child of your own (hello, these will be our own children - yeah, yeah, I knew what she meant), will you still love these children." Of course, this was during our spring of the moment pre-trial and my faucets turned on full blast. I was instructed not to show emotion during the trial! The other biggy for us was money. I forgot to read the exact dollar amount we put down for our monthly income so I was adding in my head during the pre-trial. Luckly the trial was a breaze and none of the hard questions were asked. Do take pictures of you and Pickle from your 1st/2nd trip and pictures of his room and of your house. They wanted to see this from us.

If your translator is as wonderful as ours was, he/she will translate everything correctly for you if you forget a word or two.

Breathe, you will do fine!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The one that threw me was "this child doesn't look caucasion, will you be ashamed?". Not on your life.
serena

Blogger Maggie said...
Court was something I was worried about, too. All I know is that most people (except for my fellow host families who had to contend with the psycho orphanage director from H E double toothpicks) say that court ended up not being difficult.

I'm sue it will go well for you and D. And D will rise to the challenge when the time comes! (Please don't say he was the one referred to you, D!)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hun you are stressing yourself out WAY too much for the court questions.

Seriously, she asked us like 4 questions, 3 for Adam and to me she only asked if I agreed with everything he had said. I can't remember all the specific questions, but I think one was whether we'd love the child like she was our own blood, and I think, why were we adopting a child (to which Adam simply said we hadn't been able to conceive one on our own and we wanted a child to love).

Our part was very fast. Irina prepares you the night before, it's not like a huge amount of info or anything. I know it's easy for me to say because I have done it, but I expected it to be so much worse than it was! There is really nothing to sweat about. She's not going to deny you.

Your situation is optimal and just what they want to see for an adopting couple. You are young, you have no other children, you own a home and support yourselves just fine. You have such a normal situation. She will have a hard time FINDING other questions for you because your situation is so normal :)She really was nice, even though she looked so stern and stoic sitting up there. She finally smiled at the end :)

Just handing out some experience and reassurance :)

Blogger SoFlaMom said...
"I began to realize that I am going to be a parent."

Its been 12 years and I still sit and ponder "I am a parent??" Get used to this feeling as it will be with you for the rest of your life. Did I say the right thing, is this the right decission for the child, etc., etc., etc. These feelings help keep you on your toes as you raise your child.

Crystal,
Great advise about court. I need you cheering in court with us when it is our turn. Hang in there Elle and CS! Everthing will work out fine. Here's routing for a speedy court date!

SoFlaMom

Blogger Jenni said...
Some questions we were asked:

- What do you think about the recent situations of abuse that have occurred in America towards Russian-born children?

- How did you feel when you met these children for the first time?

- How does your family feel about the adoption? Will they accept these children?

These questions are just a few of those that were asked both of my husband and me, and that didn't seem to be covered in my books. Just answer honestly and from your heart, and you guys will be fine.

Blogger Gaye and Andrew said...
Sorry, CS...we were asked "Why this child"...Elle is right though, you have to elaborate on how you have bonded, etc. My DH told the story about how Roman fell asleep in his lap the day before court...that helped. We cried and cried...very emotional. ~ gaye

Blogger Yeah So said...
You'll answer from your heart and you'll be fine. CS will be too nervous to crack jokes (we hope) though he is pretty hilarious.

Blogger Mama Melissa said...
I'm adopting from China... also re-carpeting a room before my referral (which is a ways away)... but I'm also painting it and trying to remove and and all (if possible) cat smells... by myself. UGH.

I'm not that familiar with adoptions from other countries (except what I've learned about China, so far)... but I've had the same realization recently... I'm going to be a MOM. yikes! ;-)

Melissa
LID 10/31/05
babyheaton.blogspot.com

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah! My list writing is rubbing off. I knew you guys would eventually break down and see the light.

I am so glad to finally be able to catch up on your blog. It is so exciting that you should be getting a court date soon! I am glad that you are going on before me to help show the way. I hope that court date really comes through!

Blogger kate said...
Elle, I know you said you were headed to Moscow, but everyone has to go to Moscow eventually. I've missed somewhere which region you're adopting from. I'm guessing St. P or nearabouts based on the angel on the top of your blog. Hang on to my phone number and USE IT!

I can't wait to hear the your pre-trial is over and you're on you're way to court! (I think only people in the adoption community look at going to court as a joyous occasion...)

kate

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